Those Dang Gas Prices

Unless you have been entirely removed from American society for the past several weeks, you are aware that gas prices have risen to over $4 per gallon throughout the country. This has, for one, triggered feelings of anger towards the gas companies. I don’t want to discuss whether or not the gas companies are justified in charging what they do at the pump. I do want to discuss whether or not we should be totally consumed with the rising prices of gasoline, among other things. First, a story…

            Yesterday afternoon I was filling up my car with gas at the local gas station. While I was enjoying the scenes- a couple of kids complaining to their mom for not buying them a bag of M&M’s, the old man next to me cleaning his windshield with disgusting, re-used water, etc. I noticed a beautiful car pull up to the pump. I’m not going to say what type of car this was but I will say that financing this vehicle would be nearly equivalent to financing an undergraduate education at a fine, East-coast school. The owner of this vehicle then proceeded to get out of the car and upon noticing the price for a gallon of premium gasoline, began using some colorful language to voice his frustration regarding the cost of fueling his week’s worth of transportation. Initially, I thought to myself, “Dude, are you kidding me? You are probably loaded- how can you be complaining about the price of a tank of gas?” Maybe he was really frustrated about something else and pulling up to the pump was the last straw before he had to let out a few words. I’m guessing that’s the case because I am really not so different from the guy who was driving the roadster. My external frustrations are often tethered to a deeper, internal issue. How often do I become fed up with things in life that do not go perfectly my way? Why does it frustrate me so much when the elderly woman in front of me at the check-out line at Target takes a little longer to get her groceries from the shopping cart on to the conveyor belt when I am in absolutely no hurry at all? Why do I become frustrated when I catch a red light after catching four green lights in a row? For me, my frustrations come out of a need to control my environment- to be the “master of my own fate.” Whether it is a desire to know that gas prices will stay under $4 per gallon, or a longing to know that my commute will take under 10 minutes, I want to be in control. Unfortunately, the reality of life is that I am not in control. None of us are in control! Someone greater is in control because He wants me to experience life outside of my comfort zone that all too often is not an accurate representation of how most people on this planet experience life. So, although I think we can certainly voice our frustrations regarding the inevitably increasing prices of gas, let us not have these frustrations consume us. Focusing on the positives in our lives over the negatives is completely contradictory to human nature. Still, though, I have learned that I have been made to experience life apart from my mundane, comfortable human nature. 

            

First Borns and Grace

Throughout my entire life, the notion of grace has seemed so unfair and even disheartening. It’s been quite a struggle, to say the least. I say to myself “How can someone truly love me for who I am as a person?” Or, “How can you love someone without them proving to you that they deserve your love?” In reference to my faith, it seems that I am able to accept “everything else” in relation to Christian doctrine and practice except the one principle that divides Christianity from other religions and philosophies on life- God’s favor is bestowed on me based on his love for me, which is supplied by means of His grace. Why is it so difficult for me to accept this liberating and life-altering reality deep into my soul?

Then, I began reading “The Birth Order Effect” by Cliff Isaacson. Being a first born by chronology and by order, I immediately turned to the chapter of the book that supposedly supplied the implications for why I live my life the way that I do. Isaacson argues that the affections of the mother of first born children are turned to the child that follows the first born. The mother’s increase focus on the newly-born is taken personally by the first born child. This child thinks, “What did I do wrong to lose the affection and attention of my mother?” And subsequently this child thinks to himself, “How do I get my mother’s affection back.” Isaacson then argues that life for first born children is a continual struggle to regain the affections of not only his or her mother, but also others with whom the child comes in contact. There is a constant desire to please others as first born children learn that helping their parents in raising this new-born baby brings positive attention, often in the form of verbal praise and affirmation. The first born child is then classically conditioned to work to please and to serve others.

It seems to me that this type of understanding of how life works (acceptance based on effort) creates and enormous amount of stress in the lives of first born children. We say to ourselves “Yeah I cannot do anything to regain God’s favor but there has to be more to it than that...most people in my life accept me based on what I do.” This understanding of acceptance is completely contrary to the Gospel. Jesus accepts us based on what He has done for us not what we have done for Him, right?

To all my first-born friends out there that find extreme difficulty in accepting the free, unwarranted love and grace that Jesus supplies (even though we cognitively know that it is true) perhaps this can provide some insight into why the Gospel often times seems to simple to put one’s full trust in. Being classically conditioned to live a life of “ungrace” puts first born children, like myself, to fully take in the Gospel of Jesus. Perhaps psychology coupled to a greater understanding of the love that Jesus has for us can provide us with deeper insight into how we can let this good news penetrate our hard and callused hearts.

The Godfather

To those of you that know me well, it is no secret that I am a huge fan (to say the least) of the classic movie “The Godfather.” Being the introspective person that I am, a few days ago I asked myself a simple yet profound question- “Why do I like “The Godfather” so much?” At first blush it seems to me that I am totally taken in by the guns, wealth and Cadillac sedans that are present in every scene of the movie. Plus, who can forget classic phrases like “I’ll make him an offer he can’t refuse.” All the tough guy stuff is pretty appealing to a 22 year-old kid. When I think about it more, though, I think that the Godfather is a personal favorite because of the fact that Michael Corleone, the main character, continually is searching to find happiness in life. In the beginning of the movie Michael is seen attending his sister’s wedding with his girlfriend, Kay. Later on in the film, Kay and Michael begin to drift apart as the Corleone family needs Michael to attend to “family business” as his father becomes increasingly ill. As Michael becomes more involved in the family business and eventually begins to head the family business and is crowned the Godfather of the family, he becomes increasingly paranoid that the other mafia families in the area are plotting to kill him. He then orders the killings of the heads of the other 4 mafia families in New York. By the end of the movie, Michael has the audacity to lie to his wife (Kay’s) face about the fact that he killed his sister’s husband. He is simply trying to cover his own ass and cares little for his once-beloved partner.

In short, I think that I like the Godfather because I can identify with Michael, although I probably will not be running an Italian gang in the near future (hmmm…never know). Michael was initially concerned with the basic joys of life like having a woman and a family that loved him. However, as Michael became more powerful he began to acquire Cadillacs, expensive suits and a large ego to match it. As William Pitt put it “power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely.” This phenomenon can be attributed to Michael Corleone’s life. I hope that this will not be true for my life. As I continue in my education and professional work experience, and become more independent and financially set apart from my family, I hope that I do not neglect the simply yet fulfilling joys to life like family, friendship and love. I do not want to be power hungry and get caught up in the things that do not have eternal value. There is, however, that continual desire to gain my power and influence- more control I suppose. One of Kanye West’s latest hits “Power” he claims that “he has the power [to] make yo’ life so excitin’.” I don’t want my life to be exciting because of the power and wealth that I have accumulated, but rather I want it to be exciting because of the reality that my very existence is tethered to its ultimate purpose.

The Pilot

I have wanted to “blog” my thoughts for sometime now. I seem to feel better and appreciate life to a greater extent when I am able to verbalize my thoughts. Perhaps the same will hold true by typing my thoughts in a box on a website. Only time will tell. I don’t, at least as of right now, want my thoughts to be focused on one particular political issue or something like that. Rather, I see this as an opportunity to share my thoughts with people as a means of emotional therapy and a way in which I can hear the thoughts and opinions of others.

Why are we always so willing to judge other people for their shortcomings while we can always find a way to excuse our inexcusable thoughts, behaviors and attitudes? The deeper ramifications of this question have passed in and out of my memory since I had taken a social psychology class, last spring, at the college that I attended. Social psychologists have named this phenomenon the fundamental attribution error and have witnessed the manifestation and reality of this phenomenon through history and across cultures. In short, people find a way to justify their poor behaviors for themselves and attribute their shortcomings to the situation at hand. However, when I see my co-worker, family member, or the guy at the gym mess up, I attribute his behavior to his lack of character, not the situation into which he was placed. It seems that people do not have a problem with loving themselves. That is for certain. However, why do we have such a difficult time loving others? Are people really that evil and egotistical, or is it something more than that? People like Jesus have said that we are to love our neighbors as ourselves. In terms of how this teaching relates to social psychology and the fundamental attribution error, I guess it starts with understanding the power of the environment to shape peoples’ behaviors and attitudes. It seems to go much deeper than that, though. Perhaps by understanding that God loves us unconditionally, I can in turn love my neighbor unconditionally. The reason that God loves us without end is because he looks upon us with unconditional grace. Why do I permit the flow of grace stop between God and me! It seems to me that they key to loving my friends, co-workers and family members unconditionally is by allowing God’s grace to flow through me- to love people for who they are, not what they do. I guess that I also need to love myself for who I am, not what I do since that is how God love me. Perhaps others can resonate with my shortcomings in terms of loving others unconditionally. It seems like such a simple concept to love people. This change, it seems, requires a desire to relate to others in an entirely different manner- an approach that contradicts what the world teaches- love based on effort.